It is a general complaint of parents that children do not obey them. On account of this they get very much upset. Sometimes they become sad and worried. At times it also causes them despair. They have no idea of what to do and how to guide the children on the right path. The children keep on indulging in mischief, antics, tantrums, throwing and breaking things etc. They never remain quiet even for a while. They neglect their studies. What they do at home, they repeat in school as well. Teachers become upset with their doings and send complaints to the parents that their wards do not listen properly in the class, disturb the attention of other children and indulge in fighting with classmates. These daily complaints further add to the distress of parents.
Searching solution of the problem, the parents quarrel among themselves, too. These quarrels further embolden the children. The helplessness of parents give them added encouragement to increase their acts of mischief. This is not an imaginary concept, but a psychological fact, which the child psychologists all over the world have proved by several experiments. According to the psychologist George A. Miller, our fast daily social routine has weaned the children away from us. The lack of sufficient emotional attention and proper care causes the children to become more and more unreceptive and unresponsive and more and more mischief gets into their activities.
At times this mischief crosses the limit and shapes into a disease, which the experts in psychology have called "Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)". Experts say that earlier, this disease was found only in children of foreign countries. Its percentage in India was negligible. But now due to breaking up of joint families and both father and mother being working persons, the percentage of this disease in India has increased considerably. According to a research conducted by Vidyasagar Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Science, 74 Lakh children in India are in the grip of this disease. Since, due to ignorance and being busy in work, parents do not happen to pay attention to it, 22 Lakh of these children grow up to become unsocial/antisocial.
As a result of an extensive research survey conducted by experts of Vidyasagar Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Science (VIMHANS), these facts have come to the fore. According to the psychiatrists of this Institute these children should not simply be neglected as mischievous ones, but the activities of those in the age group of 7 to 11 years should be carefully watched with the help of their teachers and if things are found going out of control, psychiatrists should be consulted. The psychiatrists of VIMHANS say that the Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) can be of many kinds. Mild in the beginning, it may grow into Hyperactive Attention Deficit Disorder (HADD).
According to the psychiatrist Dr. Nagpal of VIMHANS there are three main symptoms of HADD. The first one is lack of concentration, second is hyperactivity and the third is need of compulsion to do something. In addition to these symptoms, scattering of mind, unstable and violent behavior, inferiority complex, doing things that attract peopleís attention, building castles in the air, tendency of not to stay together, very poor memory, lack of patience, behavior that troubles others, thieving tendency etc. are commonly found in the children affected by this disease. They leave out studies. Often they fail to complete even school education. They get frequent attacks of depression. At such occasions, controlling them becomes very difficult.
Experts are yet to come to a unanimous conclusion about the cause of this disease. However recent research and investigation have brought forth two things. One is that among initial reasons, it happens due to minor harm to the brain caused due to infection either at foetal or childhood stage. In this regard it is a fact that irregular flow of chemicals in the brain causes such harms. But the second and much more important thing is the tendency of not paying attention to children. Attention Deficit Disorder literally means this.
These days parents or guardians do not or cannot pay as much attention to children as is necessary. Prof. Jean Huston has written a very nice research book about it "Child Care : Its Psychological Meaning". In this book he has presented the research experiments done on the activities of children and the conclusion there of. He says that in one case parents get so busy in their jobs that children are left to be taken care of by servants and material provisions. They do not have enough time to spare for their children. In the other case the parents pay over attention to the children. All their just and unjust demands are fulfilled or they are kept under too much strict watch, which hinders their independent development.
Prof. Huston says that in bringing up children, we should have the skill of a gardener. There should not be so much lack of care as not to provide for the needs necessary for growth nor should there be so much excessive caring as to deprive them from availing natural nourishment. In order that children obey you and become less mischievous, it is necessary for the parents to bring about an attitudinal change in them in certain respects.
1. You should become a role model for the children. In front of children at least, you shouldnít do such things which you forbid children from doing.
2. Instead of meeting each and every just and unjust demand of the children, make them gradually aware of right and wrong.
3. Slowly and little by little teach and tell them daily about practical things such as how to behave with others, how to conduct themselves, simple manners and etiquettes etc.
4. Donít admonish them for each and every thing. Do not ever insult them in front of strangers.
5. On doing good work, appreciate and encourage them.
6. Give them opportunity to develop their potential talents.
An expert in the department of psychiatry of the Medical Education and Research, Chandigarh says that in order that the children obey you, it is necessary that you create in them faith towards you. Make them confident of your love for them. Dr. Savita
Malhotra, another expert of this Institute, says that it is not proper to get scared, taking excessive mischief and naughtiness as some serious disease, but is is also not proper to be negligent towards it. If the energy of children spent in naughtiness and mischief can be diverted to creative activities it can bring about commendable improvement in their talent. What is required in this regard is simply to be alert towards their proper care and keep encouraging them to utilize their vital energy in creative works. By doing so constantly, with patience, love and gentle behavior, children will give up mischief and turn to creative engagements, giving us no room for complaint